so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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