Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
