i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
