anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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