did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
