I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
