He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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