Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
