After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
