Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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