Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
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