tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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