How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
