Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
