my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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