Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
