Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
