Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
