Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
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