I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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