there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
