I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
