Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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