I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
