It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
