After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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