i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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