Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize