I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
