spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
