i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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