At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
This is the high leading the old right now
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
