Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
