You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
