The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
