She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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