I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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