I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
