lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
