I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
