I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
