it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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