you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
