remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
