oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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