sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
