When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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