mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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