News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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