Define "chronic" masturbator.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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