dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
