She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
