I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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