I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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