Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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