he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If I die, sorry about rent.
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