I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
