ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize