She is in my trunk
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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