The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
