Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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