We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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